You’re all I think about. I’m always absolutely terrified to lose you. Now that I have you, nothing crosses my mind except how it’s gonna go wrong. I can’t tell you any of that though. I can’t say a god damn thing about how pessimistic I am. Every time you leave I’m absolutely convinced I won’t see you or hear from you again. I sleep less than I already did, because of it. I’m afraid you’ll get bored of me, or something better will come along. Like everyone else, the second you get the opportunity to choose somebody over me, you will, even though you’ve already chosen me. I don’t want to have to think this way. I want to be able to just believe everything is alright. You don’t see even a shred of this side of me though, so from your perspective everything is perfect… I suppose I can live with it being that way.

I don’t feel very good about anything right now. Time to sit up for 3 or so nights and have panic attacks.

I wish I could disappear. Just leave out of nowhere without question and have nobody ask where I am or even care. I wish I could start over somewhere. I wish I could just reset everything…

I’ve always linked boredom to happiness my entire life. And now that I’m generally happy I find that I’m unbearably bored with my life…